How does the world go on?
You know when two people are just meant for each other from the moment they meet? My friends KJ & Macie where just like that. So it was no surprise when they got married. They had a beautiful little girl, and it was a storybook family.
Of course they had more love to give. When Macie found out she was expecting again everyone was so overjoyed. They are such good parents, I thought, I am so happy for them. Better news yet, it was a boy. Only the ultrasound didn't leave them with just that happy thought. The baby was small, really small.
They proceeded with caution and did everything they could. The baby stopped growing. They tested to see if the child was down syndrome or if he had other diseases. Nothing was conclusive.
When Macie went into labor three weeks before her due date they where anxious. It wasn't terribly early, but they knew the baby could have serious problems.
His birth weight was just two pounds, but his parents didn't care. He seemed to be healthy otherwise. Of course they would have to keep him in the NICU until his weight went up, but the outlook was hopeful.
They named him Kevin Jonathan after his father and called him little Johnny. After just a few weeks, it was clear the outlook wasn't as hopeful as first predicted. He would need Cataract surgery on both his eyes and when he got a little bigger he would need several operations on his heart.
They fought and struggled for seven months, he went through surgery after surgery. He wore glasses. He had constant infections. He never knew a life without a tube attached to him.
Finally, the day came. The breakthrough they had been waiting for. They where allowed to bring him home. I don't know everything that happened in that time, and now I wish I had been there for them. But at least they had him at home with them, if only for a little while.
This morning I found out Johnny died. My heart sank straight to my toes. After all this family had been through. After how hard they fought, to have it come to that -- there are no words.
I suddenly felt completely selfish. Just moments before I had gotten mad at my son becasue he wouldn't go to bed. How trivial! How base was that unpretentious thought? I felt, I feel, lower than scum.
It was moment where I wondered how anyone else was going through their everyday mundane lives. A child just died! Shouldn't the world stop for that? I wish I had all the answers. I wish I had the perfect thing to say to this family, but I don't. Today, I am out of answers.
Rest in peace, little Johnny.
Comments
Life is no guarantee. Sadly, this is true even for the young. If you believe in God, have faith in his plans. If you don't, you can still have faith in the future, that life will get better if people stick together in love.
@Kathleen - they seem to have a very positive outlook despite everything,andfor that I'm glad. Their little boy suffered so much and they seemed relieved that he was finally out of pain. They still have one beautiful child and I know their little boy is waiting for them in heaven :)
My love to you, too x
I hope his parents, his family, and all those who love him find comfort at this time of grief.
I Hope your friends are eventually able to find some peace...
@Emily - Life is so worth treasuring!
@Mark - Thank you!
@Kim - There I was thinking about my little bumps in the road when this just hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly the vain is no longer what matters to us.
@Stephanie - Thank you! And thanks for stopping by my blog, means a lot.
@Christine - if only I had a magic wand to make it all right again.
@L.G. - It's so true, I feel like there's so much to say, yet nothing at all. no words can make up for that kind of grief.
@Angela - Their doing really well, because a lot of people love them and are helping them through this difficult time. I really admire their strength!
What a great, great reminder of what's REALLY important in this life. I look forward to getting to know you better and will pray for your friends. That is (in my life anyway) the worst case scenario. I feel for them so much and will hug my son longer and harder today for that reminder.
Thank you!
@V - seriously, crying just about covers it.
@Amiee - Me too! I could not handle it. I am really amazed at their strength!
@Peggy - that was the idea of this post for everyone to remember those little things don't matter.
@Mel - I have two children so I started bawling when I heard the news. Writing about it was the only way to cope. Thanks for stopping by!
I'm a new follower and a fellow campaigner.
You can't feel guilty though at dealing with your own frustrations. If you constantly compare to other people, you'd never leave the bed from the amount of depression that self denial it can do.
@Deb - I know what you mean, I wish I had endless resources to help them in whatever way I could!
@Jenny - I know, it suddenly isn't as important as it once was.
@steph - I don't feel guilty, I just realized that I could be better :)
@Christa - it's true, I love that positive attitude!